


Sea Shanty

by Moomin_94



Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28382988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moomin_94/pseuds/Moomin_94
Summary: Joey had invested so much energy trying to get out of this town, determined not to live her life like a barmaid in a sea shanty and yet here she was.  When she left Capeside for college ten years ago she never would have expected to end up exactly where she started, one suitcase; standing at the same bus stop, at the same time of year.
Relationships: Joey Potter/Pacey Witter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! I'm back again, I'd never actually written fic before two weeks ago and now it seems like I can't stop. So I present to you this monstrosity. 
> 
> Shout out to a friend whose plot I borrowed for this, and it kind of got away from me So it'll be a two parter.   
> Essentially this is an AU from the end of Season 4.

Capeside was the same as it always was when Joey got off the bus in late August; teenagers enjoying the last days of summer on the beach, sloops sailing slowly along the horizon sun setting behind them, kids running after their parents popsicles melting down their arms onto the pavement. Joey had invested so much energy trying to get out of this town, determined not to live her life like a barmaid in a sea shanty and yet here she was; hiding out in this little hamlet to quietly mourn the death of her career, her life really. When she left Capeside for college ten years ago she never would have expected to end up exactly where she started, one suitcase; standing at the same bus stop, at the same time of year. A life starting, and a life ending.

A small boy sprinted past her calling out to his friend, soda splashing onto the sidewalk as he went. Joey hesitantly glanced down at her shoes slightly relieved to see they’d escaped the purge. It wasn’t really like Joey to be so fastidious about a pair of shoes but these were the only thing she’d kept of her life in New York to remind herself she used to be _Someone._ She remembered buying them the day she was promoted to a senior book editor. Joey had met with Jen and Audrey to celebrate and, as they’d stumbled back to her apartment drunk on the excitement that comes with change and yes, late afternoon champagne, she’d spotted the pair of designer pumps in the window of a department store. Spurred on by her girlfriends she’d walked out of the store with them 10 minutes later and into work the next morning feeling 10ft tall and bulletproof as if they provided some kind of armour. Of course, they were ridiculously out of place here, as were most of the things she'd owned. Business slacks and crisp button downs would seem a little put together when she went back to serving pancakes at Bessie’s bed and breakfast from tomorrow morning so she’d given most of the contents of her wardrobe away; but she hadn’t been able to part with the shoes. It was almost like she thought she’d need the armour to return here. Bessie’s car pulled up seconds later interrupting Joey’s stream of thought and she occupied herself with hauling her suitcase into the trunk instead.

“How was the trip?” Bessie said as the car trundled to life.

“It was 5 hours on a bus next to a woman determined to set me up with her grandson while the man across the aisle ate egg salad. All in all probably one of my top five days this month.” Joey replied glibly. The car’s indicator ticked loudly for a few seconds echoing in the silence while Bessie tried to think of something to say. “I know everything that happened’s been hard Joey, and you probably feel terrible but-“

“Please Bessie.” Joey cut in quietly, staring resolutely out the window at the passing ocean. “Can we just not talk about this right now?” Bessie nodded silently, smiling sadly at her baby sister; Silence settled uncomfortably over the car for a long moment before:

“Did I tell you Jack thinks Alexander could get a football Scholarship?” Joey breathed a sigh of relief knowing that, at least for now, the conversation was over.

_____________

It’s probably true that these last weeks hadn’t been the most mature of Joey’s life, she doubted that laying on the couch eating Oreos and Reese’s pieces while flicking through channels would be recommended in self help books.

“Joey, were you planning on leaving the house this month?” Bessie called out from the dining table, barely looking up from the paperwork she was sifting through “Or are you going to hide in my living room forever? Because you’re starting to scare the guests.”

“I’m not hiding Bess, and I left the house yesterday for your information.”

“Going to the mailbox doesn’t count and you know it. You got fired Joey, plenty of people do and go on to have successful careers; Doing this to yourself isn’t going help.” Bessie had moved to the living room now, and was standing over the couch, voice wringing with understanding that sounded too much like pity for Joey’s liking.

“And you know this from your successful professional career?!” Joey snapped back. Bessie immediately recoiled as if the words had slapped her and Joey felt guilt start to gnaw at her stomach. “Bess… I’m sorry I’m just… I’ll go and pick Alexander up from work okay? I’m sorry.” Joey mumbled sliding out of the house without making eye contact with her sister, breathing a loud sigh as she rested her head against the steering wheel before starting the engine.

The familiar landscape slipped into the rearview as Joey drove towards the Icehouse. When Bessie mentioned a few years back that an offer had been made on the land of the now infamous Potter family restaurant it had been so long since Joey had felt any attachment to the place it had never really occurred to her to care. She’d long since felt anything more than resentment and it had seemed almost like a relief at the time, to be free of something that would always be a burden. But now it was odd to see The Icehouse logo back on the building, to see people queued outside waiting for tables in a place that should be familiar but wasn’t. Joey slowly picked her way through the small crowd scanning for her nephew, noticing him on the far side of the room cleaning down a table.

“As I live and breathe. Josephine Potter back in Capeside. Impossible” Joey froze at the voice and instinctively started to spin towards it. She had heard it a million times, in a million different ways, could probably recognise it underwater; and she was certain that when she had finished slowly turning towards the sound he’d be standing there with the same smirk on his face. Yep, there it was. Pacey Witter was standing about 10ft away with the same smirk on his face that had made her stomach flip uncomfortably in high school but surely she was past that reaction now. Pacey placed the dishes he was carrying onto a nearby table and turned to make his way towards her. Joey’s stomach flipped anyway.

“When Bessie told me you were coming back here I thought she must have gone insane because the Joey Potter I knew was leaving Capeside and never coming back. Crazy how things change isn’t it?” His ever present smirk hasn’t slipped at all and for a second he’s the same 18 year old boy who humiliated her on a dance floor 10 years ago. The boy she thought she’d spend the rest of her life with. Joey shakes her head, hoping the stream of thoughts would fall out.

“Well I see you’re still waiting tables Pacey, so I guess not that much has changed.” Joey snarked back, the smirk instantly slipping off his face and as much as it had annoyed her, she wished it would come back. She’d left town the week after their break up and, through her own force of will, hadn’t seen or heard from Pacey since. She’d had no reason to believe that Pacey wasn’t in Capeside, and clearly Bessie had understood that she wouldn’t want to know but somehow, like everything else familiar in this town seeing him here gave her no comfort. 

“Well actually Jo I -“ Pacey started responding with a chuckle.

“ Sorry, Aunt Joey, I’m just finishing up and I’ll grab my stuff.” Alexander breezed past them and an air of discomfort settled around them. Joey shifted eye contact down to her pumps, scuffing the toe against the floor boards.

“ Joey I really just…”

“No, Pacey.” Joey said quickly cutting across him. “We don’t have to do this. It’s been a long time we don’t have to do this. Can you just tell Alex I’ll be in the car?” She was already halfway out the door when she heard “It’s always good to see you Joey.”

____________

“So… How do you know Mr Witter?” Alexander was looking shiftily at her out of the corner of his eye and had been glancing at her intermittently for the 5 minutes they’d been in the car. Joey had been chattering away about Alex’s football team, trying to remember what Bessie had said about it in the previous days; It was a thinly veiled attempt to distract her nephew from the fact he’d caught her angrily thumping the steering wheel, a few errant tears streaming down her face. They both knew it. She’d left the restaurant and immediately felt guilty for treating Pacey horribly. For treating everyone awfully. Embarrassed, humiliated and he’d been right there to call her out on it. To tell her that she’d failed, smirk about it, and worst of all; he’d tried to get them to fall back into their old routine of trading barbs back and forth.

“Pacey and I… we’ve known each other for a long time. We went to school together.” It wasn’t a lie, and Joey didn’t necessarily think it was a stellar idea to tell her nephew about her tragic past with his coworker. And what would she say? Well Alex, one upon a time I was in love with _Mr. Witter (_ Which by the way, what was that about?) begged him to run away with me when I left for college, and he screamed at me that I made him feel worthless in front of our whole class? Too sad, even for her current state.

“Right…Seemed like a little more than that to me.”

“Well, it’s been a while. We were just catching up. Still not a lot in common.” And there was that knowing look that she’d seen in his mother’s eyes for her whole life, practically laughing now at her stony expression.

“I have to say Pacey getting his coworkers to call him 'Mr Witter’ is a little grandiose, even for his inflated ego.” Joey quipped clocking her nephew’s furrowed brow.

“Well, he’s not really my coworker. He’s my boss, he was just helping me out because I was swamped today.” Alex replied carefully.“Mom didn’t tell you he bought the restaurant? He hired me as a favour to you.”

Joey remembered to shut her mouth just in time. The feeling of guilt swelled in her stomach uncomfortably again, that was happening far too often these days.

__________

“You should have told me it was Pacey.” Joey watched as the knife slowed and Bessie looked up.

“Probably, yes. But I really didn’t think you would care, you made that pretty clear the first few months you were away.” Bessie replied, Joey avoided eye contact to stop her sister from looking right through her the way she always had when she was trying to get Joey to get to the real point.

“I don’t care. I was just surprised is all.”

“Mhmm. I’ll bet. I know that look, what did you do?” Joey finally made eye contact, and looked away quickly; the pity was back.

“I was a little… unkind when I saw him earlier at the Icehouse, said some things I probably shouldn’t have.”

“Well he knows being back here must be hard, I’m sure he’ll understand.” Bessie was right, Pacey would understand; and for some reason Joey couldn’t decipher that was so much worse. Someone being soft and understanding in the face of misplaced anger always chafed when you’d spent your whole childhood being tutted over and pitied. Which of course, always made the anger worse and so; “I’m sure Pacey loves hearing about my failure.” Came flying out of Joey’s mouth. She sounded 14 years old, and the words tasted like shame. Bessie sighed and the knife went back to cutting methodically, clacking against the board.

“You know that’s not it Joey. Pacey used to be important to you, and if you gave him a chance I think he could be again.” The clicking of Joey’s heels echoed in the kitchen as she walked away knowing that as usual, Bessie was right.

__________

Joey had spent years avoiding Pacey Witter. In a life scattered with the humiliation that came with being the daughter of a man incarcerated on drug charges not once but twice,Pacey had been the star of biggest. A week after she’d left him standing on the makeshift dance floor on a yacht, She’d left for Worthington claiming the need to ‘settle in’ before school. The first call from home had ended with a “Pacey came looking for you today Joey.”

“I don’t want to see him Jen. Please.” She’d mumbled into the receiver, Jen had hummed sympathetically and dropped the subject and while she knew them to still be in regular contact, Jen was careful to never bring Pacey up again. Joey had cried for hours that night. The first summer when college let out Joey had frantically tried to find a waitressing job, just so she could have an excuse not to go home. Bessie saw through the plan, Joey had known it, and pretended she didn’t. After that Bessie had stopped trying, instead visiting Joey from time to time removing the stress of lying to avoid her one time future. It was irrelevant now, Joey thought standing outside the Icehouse, she’d dealt with her feelings for Pacey a long time ago. She ignored the small voice telling her that she’d just repressed the hell out of them, like every other feeling she’d ever had, and walked inside.

The restaurant was much quieter today, school having started back taking the rest of the summer travellers with it. Joey made her way towards the bartender, scanning the room “Hi, I’m looking for Pace- Mr Witter? Is he here?” Joey said quickly, before she lost her nerve and in that moment she honestly wasn’t sure of the answer she was wishing for.

“Yeah, he should be, I’ll just see if he’s free. Who should I tell him is here?” The bartender, Steve Joey saw on his name tag, asks.

“Joey, Thanks” She’s been rehearsing what to say for days now, on her morning runs, while browsing the newspaper for work, late at night desperately trying to sleep. As much as she never wanted to have this conversation, long past wanting a post mortem on their relationship, Joey knew the sleepless nights, playing their last conversation over and over in her mind like a broken record, were unlikely to stop until she cleared the air. It didn’t have to be anything other than a short apology.

Joey recognised the footsteps approaching the table; He’s still half shuffling half sauntering after all this time. She smiles despite herself, then looks up and stops at the guarded look in his eyes.

“When Stevie told me who was looking for him I thought he must have misheard.” Pacey says, attempting his smirk. It didn’t reach his eyes.

“Hey Pacey. Don’t worry I’m not here to belittle you any further. Is there somewhere we can talk?” She mumbles in response, forcing herself to get his eyes. He nods and beckons her to follow him back to his office, ignoring the curious stares of his employees.

She sits quietly in his office eyes scanning the shelves and with a jolt recognises her 15 year old self in a picture frame, staring out happily from between Pacey and Dawson, Jen tucked under Dawson’s other arm, all of them grinning happily waiting for their lives to start. She flinches slightly, sighs and says “I just wanted to apologise for the other day, the things I said were… uncalled for.” Pacey smiles back at her taking a deep breath before saying

“It’s okay Jo. You weren’t to know I wasn’t still the same screw up you dated a million years ago.” And there it was. It was probably naive to think they could get through this conversation wth no mention of their history. Pacey Witter was a lot of things but he was never a screw up, and it stungto know she’d reinforced what a hundred people before her had said. She couldn’t stop the words tumbling out of her mouth.

“I’m obviously going through a lot right now, I’m sure Bessie’s told you, but that’s not an excuse. The things you were saying… I just couldn’t hear someone else telling me I screwed up my life.”

“I think that’s a little harsh. So you had to come home, hardly the end of the world Jo.” Joey forced her eyes to his and saw the same sympathetic expression Bessie had been giving her for weeks now.

“So what are you doing with your time now? Soaking up the sun?” The smirk was back, it met his eyes this time.

“Mostly, I’m just trying to find work. Can’t live on my savings forever.” Joey grabbed at the change of subject, this seemed like safer territory. Pacey’s brow furrowed and he hesitated before grinding out “You could always work here, I need a new front of house manager. Call it an apology for my 18 year old self.”

“Pacey, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Joey cut him off quickly, breezing over the allusion to that night in late April, all those years ago. “I’m sure something else will come up.”

“I know what the job market here is like Joey, you can work here until you get back to your real life. Come on,” He said, noticing her hesitation “You can’t be worried about ancient history Jo. I’m a big boy, I promise I got over that stuff a long time ago.”

“Why are you being so nice to me? I was awful to you.” _Then and now_ Joey thought as her mind wandered to the messages left on her answering machine, the knock and the “I know you’re in there Jo.” That went unanswered as she sat on the other side of the door.

“Because that’s what friends do. If you need one, you know where to look.”

Joey turned as she reached the door “You’re wrong about one thing Pace, I never thought you were a screw up.”

_______________

Working back at the Icehouse had definitely been less egregious than Joey thought it would be. While having her sister drive her to work along with her teenage nephew made her feel sixteen all over again, it was nice to get out of the house, feel the independence of earning a pay check and contributing to the household again. Even if it meant asking teenage busboys to pull up their pants and leave their cellphones in the staffroom for 8 hours a day. Slowly her life was entering a routine again get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep. Repeat. There was purpose in that, purpose in the mundane nature of ordering waitstaff around and helping Bessie make the guest breakfasts. Joey needed routine, and purpose. She always had, and railed against any variation. If only this routine didn’t resemble her teenage life so much. Especially with the Pacey of it all hovering over her like a summer storm.

Joey knew that wasn’t fair, she seemed to be unable to stop being unfair to Pacey. He was staying out of her way for the most part and when they had to interact he was the very model of professional. He had given her this job for _fuck’s sake_ that she hadn’t been qualified for in at least five years, and Joey wasn’t unaware of how absolutely ordinary her skills in the hospitality industry had been. And yet she couldn’t stop cringing away from his presence, darting out of sight when he came onto the restaurant floor.She didn’t know if it was misplaced (hardly) embarrassment spilling over from how she’d behaved to everyone since her return , she’d dodged Jack when she’d seen him walking down the street two days ago with the newly minted Sheriff Witter just as easily, or a desire to avoid opportunities where she and Pacey would have to finally say all the things that remained in no man’s land between them.

“Hey Stevie, when you get a second could we- ? You’re not Stevie.” Pacey had rounded the corner and stopped short upon seeing Joey standing behind the bar.

“Nope. I sent Steve home an hour ago, he was getting ready to meet his new girlfriend’s parents and we’re pretty quiet this afternoon. So I said I’d cover the bar.” Pacey looked around at the few occupied tables, patrons soaking up the late afternoon sun on the deck with the main the dining room empty save the two waiters laughing in the corner killing time. Joey finished making the drinks for the last table and rang the bell to alert the server.

“I didn’t know you knew your way round a cocktail menu so well Miss Potter, I’m surprised at you.” Pacey quipped lightly and Joey recognised the teasing glint in his eyes immediately.

“Well there’s a lot you don’t know about me these days Mr Witter.” Her stomach flipped, too close. She cleared her throat and continued “I worked in a bar through college.” Nodding awkwardly as if that would dissipate the tension that always seemed thick when they mentioned the intervening years in their acquaintance.

Pacey nodded back as if picking up her queue “Right well, I was just going to run through the bar inventory but I’ll leave you to it. I can do it tomorrow when Steve’s back.” He said shifting back the way he’d come. Joey watched him go for a second before taking a sigh and saying “I can’t do it with you? Everything’s pretty well covered, and tomorrow’s your day off so I’m pretty sure you don’t really want to do it tomorrow.” Pacey turned back nodding.

“Yeah. If you don’t mind. If you can count to five you can probably handle it.” The glint was back.

“I think I can keep up.” Joey smirked for what felt like the first time in forever.

Later Joey couldn’t quite piece together the series of events that led from her and Pacey quietly counting bottles avoiding eye contact to where they were now, Joey perched on the bar all customers long since gone, laughing at his story pretending she didn’t miss this. They’d fallen into their old pattern, comfortable like wearing old shoes.

“How did you get into more trouble here than I ever did in New York?” Joey laughed as his story wrapped up.

“Well for one, culinary school houses a pretty eclectic group of youths, all of them rowdy. Secondly, you seem to have forgotten my proclivity for finding trouble in the least likely places, Potter.” That teasing tone was back again. “I probably should have followed you to Boston just to stay out of trouble.” Joey stalled, whatever witty retort she had planned stuck in her throat. Pacey seemed to realise he’d said the wrong thing, averting his eyes.

“Look Joey I’m sorry I-“ Pacey started taking a step towards her. Joey let out a sigh, There was never going to be an easier time than this to cut the tension.

“Pacey it’s fine. If we’re going to work together I think we probably need to clear the air. It can’t keep getting awkward like this. Two of the servers ran into the kitchen yesterday when they realised we were in the same room.” Joey said, forcing herself to chuckle as if she wasn’t dreading this conversation, as if she hadn’t sprinted from this town and refused to look in the rearview mirror since just to avoid this conversation.

“That’s probably true.” Pacey replied slowly. After a painful moment of silence he said, so quietly she could barely hear ,“You never deserved the things I said to you on that boat Joey. That was about me being insecure and stupid and I took it all out on you.” He was looking at her, while she was looking past him. She could feel his eyes on her and forced hers to his.

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t good enough Pacey. You did nothing but support me and when it was obvious you were going through something I disappeared. I’m not going to pretend what you said didn’t hurt, but I shouldn’t have cut you off like that. It wasn’t fair.” The things he’d said that night had stung. The words _“You make me feel like I’m nothing.”_ Echoed in her head frequently in her low moments but they’d lost their bite years ago. Now only the awkwardness and embarrassment remained. She still couldn’t bring herself to break eye contact.

“I probably deserved that. It’s just that you had this bright future ahead of you, and I couldn’t figure out what mine was then. I’m sorry. Worked out for the best though right?” Pacey replied smiling slightly at the end of the sentence, as if that would make it true. Joey laughed at that, a tragic, hollow sound.

“Yeah I had a real bright future Pace. Landed me right back where I worked as a 15 year old. A real dream.” It was ironic she thought, they’d broken up all those years ago because he had no future or so he thought; and here she was ten years later, working her pity job in his successful business. At least God has a sense of humour. Pacey smiled the same pitying smile that Bessie had perfected recently, maybe they’d gone to a seminar together.

“What happened to you in New York Jo? Because the Joey Potter I knew wouldn’t have just given up like this.” Finally, she snapped her eyes away from his.

“Well, I lost my job because I called an author out on some of the less factual parts of his memoir. Turns out he’s related to the head of the publishing house though so there’s that famously good Joey Potter decision making. Got me fired and pretty much blacklisted from every publishing house in New York. No job means no rent money which means after 3 months of unemployment I ran out of options.” Joey replied clucking her tongue at the end as if it would take the sting away.

“That’s it?!” Pacey laughed “You did the right thing and that’s nothing to be ashamed of Jo. Let them deal with the law suits all on their own.” And he looked so earnest in that moment she believed him. Tears started to cloud her vision.

“God, I’m so sorry. Surely you have something better to do on a Thursday night than watch your mess of an ex girlfriend have a break down.” Joey said quickly, wiping hastily at her tears.

“I don’t actually” She barely heard his response. His voice was louder when he started again “I’m going sailing tomorrow. You should come with me. No excuses Josephine!” He said, predicting the objection rising in her throat. “Come on it’ll be fun! I know for a fact you have tomorrow off and you need to get out of Bessie’s house. It’s starting to get a little sad.” The teasing was back again, their natural rhythm restored. Joey hesitated again, carefully considering.

“I guess we are friends right? And this is the kind of activity friends do together.”

“Friends have gone sailing together before yes. We’ve even done it once or twice. Like riding a bike, You’ll see. You will have to leave those shoes at home though.” Pacey could hear the click of her heels and the sarcastic smile she’d given him over her shoulder long after she’d left and he couldn’t keep the smile off his face.


	2. Part II

“You’re going out with Pacey today?” Joey could hear the attempted suppression of the excitement in Jen’s voice over the phone, could practically picture her friend’s expression.

“I’m not going _out_ with Pacey. I’m just going out with Pacey.” Joey replied rolling her eyes.

“What? Was there supposed to be a difference in those two statements?” She could hear Jen laughing now.

“Yes! There is actually! Pacey and I cleared the air and we decided that we were friends so we’re just hanging out. We both acted stupidly, stopped reaching out and it’s done now. We’re just friends and friends can hang out together.” Joey responded defensively. It was the same conversation she’d had with Bessie last night, and herself a hundred times since she left the Icehouse last night. She was getting good at it. Maybe if she had it again she’d believe it.

______________

_Fuck_. Joey had thought to herself as she walked down the dock towards the boat that could only be Pacey’s. It looked exactly how it always dd when she remembered that summer, when everything had been full of promise and she’d been so _happy._ If she hadn’t seen it sink with her own eyes she would swear it was the same boat. But it had sunk, and that wasn’t the only thing that had. Joey steeled herself before knocking on the side. _This is a bad idea_ she thought as Pacey’s head popped up, same old grin on his face.

“Permission to come aboard?” The words had slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them, regretting them instantly. Pacey had laughed anyway.

“Permission granted.” He replied grabbing her hand to hoist her up. Joey’s stomach flipped uncomfortably as her sneakers squeaked against the deck. As the boat had pulled out of the marina, they’d fallen back into their old roles, easy as breathing. A whole summer spent sailing together, no matter how long ago, had left its mark. Comfortable silence settled over them as Pacey pulled out his fishing rods and cast the line over the side of the boat. Joey pulled out a book she’d grabbed at random off Bessie’s bookshelf on her way out the door, and pretended to read.

“Great Expectations huh? You trying to tell me something about today, Potter?” Pacey quipped, breaking the quiet reverie.

“Well. You know me Pacey, High expectations. Never satisfied.” It was becoming easier every second to settle into their witty repartee. The intervening years slipping away like the water beneath them.

“You’re not really going to read that boring book all day are you? Poor boy loves girl destined for bigger and better things? Come on tale as old as time. What I really want to hear now is one wild tale from your college years. I’m sure even Joey Potter attended the occasional party at a friendly neighbourhood frat party.”Joey laughed knocking her shoulder against his.

“Well then l can only assume that word of my short lived career as the front woman for a band never reached the local gossips of Capeside?”

“Okay well now you have to tell me.” Pacey’s face lit up like a Christmas tree and Joey wondered, for a split second, how she could have pretended she didn’t need him.

Joey woke a few hours later, the late afternoon sun beating down on her. It took a few seconds for her to realise what the soft voice she could hear was saying.   
“ I thought I overheard Miss Havisham answer- only it seemed so unlikely- ‘Well? You can break his heart.’” Pacey was sitting right next to her, she was tucked against his side really, quietly reading Great Expectations to her while she slept. Joey immediately thought of the nights, so _so_ long ago now, where they’d done just this, read aloud to one another until one of them, always her, had fallen asleep. She’d wake up the next morning just as she had now; tucked under a warm blanket feeling safe and happy, and cared for. Her eyes started to prickle at the quiet intimacy of the moment and a hundred more just like it. She cleared her throat and stirred theatrically alerting Pacey to her consciousness. He stopped reading mid sentence putting the book down beside him.

“I’m glad you’re finally awake sleeping beauty. I was beginning to think I was going to have to do all the work to bring this baby into dock myself. I should have known, you always were a layabout on this vessel.” He looked away from her and stood up quickly, jostling her slightly, as if by averting his eyes, they could both pretend nothing had happened seconds earlier.

“I missed this.” Joey whispered realising as she said it how true it was. Pacey was polite enough to pretend he couldn’t hear.

“So, I had Dougie and Jack over for dinner the other night.” Pacey said as they cleaned down the boat from the day’s journey, sunning setting behind him adding gold accents to his hair. Joey shook her head and cleared her throat to stop that train of thought.

“Oh Yeah? I saw them together the other day. How long has that been going on by the way?”

“About a year now. But that’s not the point, we got to talking about you.”

Joey stilled and turned towards Pacey. “Do I even want to know?” She said, pushing down the instinct she felt to run at the thought of her life being picked over like a canapé.

“Probably. Jack was telling me that they’re looking for a new English teacher at the high school.” Pacey had turned back towards her as well, looking at her expectantly.

“Okay? And how did that come back round to me?” Defence turned to confusion as Joey attempted to piece together what he was trying to tell her.

“Well I told him there was someone back in town who happened to have an English degree from a very fancy college.” Oh. That’s what today was about. Pacey trying to fix her life. Great.

“Thanks Pacey, but I don’t need you to fix my life for me.” Joey spat out, taking a step back. Pacey followed her crowding her against the rail of the boat.

“I’m trying to help you Jo! Why do you have such a problem with that? You don’t want to be a glorified waitress forever and you’d be great at this. You’ve had so much practice with me, how could teaching 20 kids at a time possibly be harder than that?” He was smirking at her now. Their eyes locked together, a familiar flutter in her stomach.

“Why are you doing this for me Pace? I don’t deserve it.” He was so close to her now. She could have counted his eyelashes. The tension between them was back, she’d thought a week ago it was different than it was before, she realised now it wasn’t. 

“You know why Joey.” Instinctively she tilted her head towards his. Their lips nearly touching and-

“Hey Pacey! You up there? I’ve been looking for you all day. I-“ the tension between them broke and Joey turned her head, Pacey stepping back as Doug Witter walked down the dock towards them stopping short on seeing their stances. “Sorry, am I interrupting something?Hey Joey, It’s been a while.” Doug was smirking now, thrilled with his discovery. Pacey opened his mouth to speak:

“No, I was just heading home I said I’d meet Bessie an hour ago. It’s good to see you Doug.” Joey cut Pacey off practically scrambling off the deck of the boat.

“Good to see you too, Joey!” Doug called out as she passed. The sign on the side of the boat caught her eye as she did; True Love II. _Fuck,_ Joey thought, tears pricking at her eyes for the second time that day as she sprinted up the dock, sneakers pounding against the boards.

__________

Joey had spent all weekend trying, and failing, to stop thinking about that moment. She’d agonised over every moment of that day, every look he’d given her, trying to figure out what it had meant. She’d been in such a daze that Bessie had finally asked her what the hell had happened on that boat. “Nothing!” Joey had replied defensively leaving the room as soon as possible. That was the biggest lie she’d told since arriving back in Capeside three months ago. Whether being out on the boat, the familiarity floating around them, had forced them back into their old pattern or it had been something more, Joey didn’t know. Another lie. Joey sighed, rearranging the menus on the podium in front of her for the hundredth time this hour. Pacey had arrived this morning with his usual fanfare, clearly feeling none of the awkwardness exuding out of her every pore, and smirked “Hey Jo.” At her, winking as he passed into his office. She turned away quickly so he couldn’t see the colour that rushed to her cheeks without permission: Chastising herself for acting like a lovesick teenager. She heard footsteps approaching the front door and looked up, customer service smile fixed firmly in place, recognising the person immediately.

“Joey, Joey, Joey. How am I just now seeing you when I have it on good authority you’ve been back in Capeside for months now?” Jack’s gentle smile felt warm as always as he engulfed her in a hug; a pang of guilt settled over Joey.   
“Hey Jack. Sorry, kind of went into hiding. You know how it is.” Joey replied sheepishly, she’d been there when Jack had been taken down in a careless tackle ending his professional career and landing him back here before he was even out of college. He had born it better than she had clearly, he seemed happy coaching football and disciplining students as a vice principal. Jack nodded knowingly and Joey pushed on before the inevitable sympathetic questions could spring up. “Are you looking for Pacey? You can just go on back, I’m sure.” A forced smile.

“Actually I’m here to see you.” Joey’s eyebrow raised questioningly, “Did Pacey not tell you about the teaching job we have going?” Of course. Somehow in her obsession over the meaning of her almost _something_ with Pacey she’d breezed over the fact that he had once again pulled off a miracle. He had been thoughtful and kind and she’d snapped. As she always did.

“Yeah… I don’t know Jack… I don’t know that teaching is the best fit for me.” A deflection if there ever was one. Joey had always loved teaching, tutoring in high school and college, being a TA in her later years had always felt good and truth be told she’d been good at it. There was real purpose in helping people understand great literature it had felt like a calling then, and now. She knew that, and Jack knew it too.

“That’s a lie Joey and you know it. I happen to know you were offered a teaching job in Boston when you left Worthington. One you almost took.” She made a desperate promise to herself to strangle Bessie later for keeping the residents of Capeside so informed on her life. The thought of teaching again filled her with a warm feeling, being paid to discuss literature again would be amazing. So why was she stalling? Capeside. If this job was in Boston or New York, she wouldn’t have thought twice. But Capeside was synonymous with failure for Joey Potter, so she hesitated over the world’s biggest Semi-colon.

“Just come in and see the Principal. If you like what he says, the job’s yours.” Jack was smiling evenly more warmly now and Joey found herself smiling and agreeing despite herself. Out of the corner of her eye she saw that Pacey was lurking at the bar clearly eavesdropping on her conversation. Jack waved at his brother-in-law as he turned and left. Joey turned towards Pacey determined to glare at him. Before she could his face lit up in a grin, giving her a thumbs up goofily before yelling out “That’s the spirit Potter!” Before she could stop him, he sprinted over lifting her in a hug and spinning her around. When he set her back down. Joey rolled for eyes, slapped his shoulder disapprovingly, and thought just for a second maybe spending the rest of her life here wouldn’t be the worst thing. Joey shook her head and went back to rearranging her menus.

__________

“You had a phone call while you were at work today Joey.” Joey hummed absentmindedly, still mulling over the events of today. She’d been given an opportunity, and for the first time since getting off that bus, she was feeling excited about something. Even if it was the quiet kind of excitement that made you want to move slowly in order to avoid extinguishing it. Pacey had given her another hug as she’d left work and Joey had pushed down the flutter in her stomach as they’d both held on a little too long.

“You really want to ask me who this call was from!” Bessie said a few seconds later when Joey had yet to add anything intelligible to the conversation. Joey spun around to look at her sister, who has sitting at the kitchen table, smiling knowingly, excitement barely contained on her face. Joey’s brow furrowed.

“Who was it? Brad Pitt? Finally answering the personal ad I put out in 2005? Took him long enough.”

“Mmm no, I think he and Angelina are still pretty happy together so no love connections for you today. I did talk to Sherri though.” _Sherri?_ Did Joey know a Sherri? Bessie continued on “Sherri’s an assistant at Simon and Schuster. They wanted to talk to you about the job you applied for.” Bessie was looking even more decidedly nonchalant now, as if she’d just announced that they had a new guest arriving in five minutes. Joey’s jaw dropped, excitement sparked in her chest. She’d applied for the job as a last ditch effort to salvage her career, the day before leaving New York, even at the time it had seemed outlandish, and a little defeatist having to put Bessie’s phone number down.

“Bessie, are you kidding?!” Joey practically screamed, making no attempt to temper her emotions.

“They want you to go to New York next week to discuss it!” Bessie was yelling now too, wrapping her sister in a tight hug, both laughing maniacally, neither hearing the knock at the door.

“Hey Jo, sorry, it was open so I just came in-“ Pacey shuffled into the room, brows arching in confusion at the sight before him, Joey, tears streaming down her face laughing happily, Bessie holding to her tightly. “I knew it! I knew you were just pretending to be excited about this Capeside high gig!” Pacey continued on, leaping to his own conclusions, his face radiating happiness. Joey’s stomach lurched uncomfortably.

“Capeside high?” Bessie had let go of Joey now, holding her at arms length and looking at her skeptically. “Pacey, Joey’s going back to New York. She just got the job offer.” Joey tried to cut across her with a warning; “Bessie.” But it was too late. The expression of joy slipped off Pacey’s face as if he’d been slapped. When he spoke again his voice sounded hollow.

“Congratulations Joey. Sorry, I was just coming t- I have to go sorry.” And then he was gone. Leaving her standing in the middle of another room. She heard the front door open, then close. And took off after him, her heels causing her to skitter across the floorboards.

“Pacey!” She called out, sprinting across her sister’s lawn. “Pacey don’t just walk away from me!”

Pacey spun around, eyes red. “Why Joey?! It’s what we do right? We leave when things get hard” Joey flinched, his eyes were steely, and she hated it.

“Pacey, that’s not fair. That’s not what I’m doing.” Joey mumbled softly. And it tasted like a lie even as she said it.

“Isn’t it?! We break up and we don’t talk about it. You come back and we don’t talk about it. We nearly kissed and we still don’t talk about it. We spend ninety percent of our time _not_ talking about something Joey!” Outrage flared in Joey, she blinked away tears and clenched her fists, angrily.

“In case you’ve forgotten Pacey, you broke up with me! Let me remind you, you humiliated me in front of all my friends!” She spat at him through clenched teeth. It had always been like this between them, witty remarks followed by a knock down drag out fight. Tension builds. And then explodes. That’s how it works.

“Yeah I did. And I’ve regretted it ever since and you know that! You know I’m still in love with you, How could I not be?!” His voice broke a little at that, and she felt part of her break too. “I’m not the same insecure guy I was then Joey. The problem is you’re still the same girl, terrified that you’re going to live your whole life as a _Townie_.” He spat the last word, lips twisting around it as though it tasted like acid. And Joey felt the air leave her.

“It was just a job offer. I might not go Pacey.” Joey mumbled, the fight had left her when the air did. Pacey laughed. It sounded like sarcasm and The End.

“Yeah you will Joey, it’s what you’ve always wanted right? When are you going to realise that living in Capeside isn’t the same thing as being stuck here?” He said it softly, but it felt like a yell anyway. “I’ll see around Joey.” And she couldn’t watch him go. She stood staring down at her shoes through tears, barely registering that they were caked in mud. She let the tears fall.

___________

She’d avoided Bessie’s sad gaze on the way back up the stairs, slinking past her trying to hold in her sobs. There was no point recounting the story, Bessie had heard everything, and anyway there was nothing to say. Joey was halfway through packing her suitcases when she caught sight of herself in the mirror, she recognised the look in her eyes from ten years ago, haunted and desperate to get away. This time instead of glancing away she threw the suitcase at her reflection, ignoring the shattering glass as she got into bed and cried until she fell asleep.

She woke some time later to her cellphone buzzing next to her ear. She picked up the phone without checking the ID.

“Joey, what the fuck did you do?” The tone was disappointed, no anger. Just flat despondency. As always, that was worse.

“Jen please can we not do this?”

“No Joey. I let you get away with that last time. We’re not doing this again. He came to New York you know? Went to your office and left.”Joey stayed silent, speechless really. Jen sighed.

“Why are you running away from him again?”

“I’m not running from anything Jen. I’m going back to my real life. Maybe I’m not supposed to end up in Capeside with Pacey Jen have you ever considered that?” Because as always, when pushed, Joey’s default was defensive. Protect what you can and the rest be damned. But apparently when you’ve been friends for over a decade; There was no pretence left.

“I’m sorry Joey, but that’s absolute _bullshit_ and you know it. You were running away then, and you’re going to do the same thing now.You keep saying your real life’s here but if that’s true why have I never seen you as happy as the year you were with him?”

Joey caught sight of her mud stained pumps, marched across the room and threw them in the trash.

_________

For what felt like the hundredth time this year, Joey Potter was loitering on the sidewalk outside The Icehouse. She’d spent most of her adult life running from Pacey Witter. Running from this very conversation, it was time to plant two feet on the ground and have a conversation. She looked down at her sneakers, took a deep breath in and walked through the front door.She marched straight through the back after asking Alexander tersely “Pacey in?” Barely listening to his stuttered “Yeah but… Aunt Joey-“. Straight to his office knocking once and then entering before she could lose her nerve.

Pacey looked up shocked from behind his desk recovering quickly to say “Joey, I’m busy here.” The steel in his eyes was back. Joey still hated it. She looked around and saw Steve waving awkwardly at her.   
“Hey Joey. How’s thi-“

“Steve get out.” Joey cut across him. Not breaking eye contact with Pacey.

“Yep. Sure thing” Sensing the tension, Steve practically bolted from the room closing the door behind him.

“You know Joey, no matter how important you are these days, you don’t get to order my staff around.” So we were doing this. We were pretending everything was fine; Making everything lighthearted. Well. Trying to, anyway. His smile still didn’t reach his eyes.

“Technically I’m still the front of house manager you know. It’s in my jurisdiction.” Two could play at that game.”

“On the topic, I assume you’re here to tender your resignation. You can just leave it on the table. Safe travels Joey.” Pacey rose from the desk finally breaking eye contact with her. As if that could prevent her from seeing the look on his face. The old Joey would have let him get away with it; As his hand reached for the doorknob Joey said “We’re not finished here Pacey.”

“We could live a thousand years and never finish this!” He said belligerently, meeting her eyes now. “So, We’re doing goodbyes this time hey? Good luck with everything Joey.”

He opened the door and walked out. Cursing under her breath she followed him out into the main restaurant.

“Damnit Pacey! I love you!” That stopped him in his tracks. She heard a plate smash in the background; apparently she’d caught everyone else’s attention as well. “And you were right. I’ve loved you so much for so long that it sent me running, and I kept running for ten fucking years Pacey! But I’m not running anymore.” He had turned to look at her now, his eyes shining with tears, choking back her own she continued on, “And I’m sorry Pace, I’m so so sorry it took me so long to realise it but I’m here now, and I’m not going back to New York. I’m not going anywhere.” Silence filled the restaurant, no one daring to make a sound.   
“Well Damn Pacey.” Joey heard Jack say, She hadn’t even realised he was here, She noticed Alexander collecting bills from the other bus boys with a gleeful expression. “If you don’t kiss her, I think I’ll have to.” Pacey didn’t have to be told twice, he sprinted towards her scooping her up, spinning her round; and then his lips were on hers and they tasted like salt tears, his and hers mingled together, and the indefinable future.

Maybe, Joey thought as she looked into Pacey’s eyes laughing slightly through the tears, maybe a life could end and begin at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you got to the end of this, I salute you and thanks for sticking with it! 
> 
> Happy New Year!


End file.
